It...Begins

"It's clean," I said sweeping my arm across the backyard.

Mr. Wonderful shook his head. "It's hard." 

"It's good for clay pots."

"It's flat."

"I don't mind it."

"I do."

In this way Mr. Wonderful and I discussed another fixer upper job on our fixer upper House. More accurately, a fixer upper job on our pathetic "backyard", more accurately the jumble of concrete that composed said yard. It would have been easier to discuss if my spouse had smiled or laughed while debating this latest project. But he couldn't because we'd agreed on some things before we bought the place. During escrow we both knew: 1) Repairing The House would be a labor of love; 2) The House had good bones; 3) The backyard was a disaster.  

For everyone on the planet, a "backyard" consists of grass or dirt located behind one's house. That is, everyone's but ours, which was composed of various concrete slabs, brick walks and wiggly stone pathways. Judging by all the hard surfaces, the former owners either hated Mother Nature or they held stock in a stone company. Whatever their situation, it was clear that our backyard looked less like a fertile patch of Southern California goodness than a hard-surface landing strip for a 747s, 757s and the entire fleet of Space Shuttles. 

Nevertheless, removing all that concrete--what Mr. Wonderful wanted--would be a lot more expensive and back breaking than just leaving it where it lay--what me and my new manicure wanted. As a first time homeowner in Southern California, I didn't know anything about concrete-covered backyards because I'd never seen them before, but apparently out here they are as common as out-of-work actors. There must be a reason for it--the concrete, not the actors. Perhaps concrete provided unknown benefits to our yard, our pool, The House? I wanted to make sure we wouldn't be making a mistake before we dug it up and I broke a nail so I asked the experts.

"It's cheap," our 86 year-old neighbor said sweeping his driveway.

"Okay, Harold," I said leaning against the fence dividing our properties. "But is there any other positive to having a concrete backyard?"

"I said it was cheap, didn't I."

Somedays Harold was a talker and sometimes he wasn't. Today was one of the latter days.

I saw Jerry pruning his rose bushes so I bounded over to ask him if we should remove the concrete or leave it.

"You'll never have to pay a gardener," he said adjusting his San Francisco baseball cap.

"Besides money, is there any other reason to keep the concrete?"

"Removing it is hard work, you could bust the gas line, you could electrocute yourself, you could strangle yourself with PVC pipe. Should I keep going?"

I shook my head.

Born and raised in San Francisco's earthquake country, Jerry had a pessimistic side to him I'd never noticed before.

I caught a glimmer of Charles' car as it pulled into his driveway. When I flagged him down I saw his hair was windblown, his face tan, his teeth white as milk. To remove the concrete or not, that was my question.

"We have concrete in our backyard, too. And I hate it," he said with a laugh.

"Does it help your pool or house?"

He laughed some more.

"But would you spend the time and money to remove it?"

"If I had the time or money, sure!" He said slapping this thigh.

I'm a sucker for a good laugher. And Charles was one of the best.

That night after dinner, I agreed with Mr. Wonderful to remove concrete from our backyard. Not all of it, just some of it. Then I handed him a piece of sidewalk chalk and asked him to delineate what he wanted gone. After drawing all over our property, like the kid's book Harold and the Purple Crayon, I sat down in shock because there was so much remove.

"It's a lot," he nodded. "But when it's gone, imagine how great our backyard will be!" Then he laughed loudly, a warm smile spreading across his face.

Of course I said yes. I couldn't argue with that laugh. 

Wilmer Valderrama Lists Suburban Party Pad

SELLER: Wilmer Valderrama
LOCATION: Tarzana, CA
PRICE: $3,495,000
SIZE: 5,039 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Sitcom star Wilmer Valderrama is on the move. After selling off the entirety of his (small) property portfolio over the last couple years, he's now listed his multi-acre gated party pad compound in suburban L.A.'s hot and Hades community of Tarzana with an asking price of $3,495,000.

Mister Valderrama found fame (and certainly some amount of fortune) in the late 1990s and throughout the early and mid 2000s as the oddly accented, wannabe suave, and somewhat fey foreign exchange student Fez on the sitcom That 70s Show. Since the show went dark in 2006 Mister Valderrama has appeared mostly in small and recurring roles on numerous television shows (Suburgatory, Raising Hope, Royal Pains, and the animated series Handy Manny) and a handful of mostly unsuccessful movies including (Fast Food Nation, Larry Crowne and From Prada to Nada)

Along the way Mister Valderrama has become known to gossip glossy readers as a bit of a ladies man with a taste for troubled starlets. Some of the notches in his belt of romance and conquest include Ashlee Simpson, Lindsay Lohan, Mandy Moore and Jennifer Love Hewitt. The 33-year old actor is often rumored and reported to have an on again/off again situation with singer/actress Demi Lovato who reportedly received a sweet birthday Tweet from Mister Valderrama while she was in Africa to celebrate her 21st birthday. Anyhoo...

Property records show Mister Valderrama picked up his Tarzana compound in June 2005 when he shelled out $3,525,000 for the 2.2-acre spread that he bought from action flick actor Chuck Norris. The party throwing actor ran afoul of at least one of his neighbors who last year filed a lawsuit against Mister Valderrama that claimed his frequent parties and constant noise from barking dogs disturbed his quality of life. We're not sure how that legal kerfuffle turned out but we can all be certain at least one of Mister Valderrama's neighbors is thrilled with his decision to sell.

Current listing information and property records indicate the property includes a 5,039 square foot single story main house with five bedrooms and five bathrooms, a separate, a 1,700 square foot two-bedroom guest house at the back of the property, and a 2,300 square foot multi-purpose structure plus a couple more outbuildings of various utility.

The main house isn't without any charms or desirable qualities—private setting, huge center island kitchen, vaulted ceilings, and (here and there) wide-plank wood floors—but listing photographs show the residence is, in the main, woefully dated, depressingly drab, and pretty much devoid of even a whisper of decorative good taste. It looks, quite frankly, like a dank damn frat house.

There's knotty pine paneling in the airy living room that should probably be removed or painted, and, although exceptionally large, the practically all-wood kitchen is in serious need of an update. The gloom and grime comes to full fruition in the two-room family room (above) that has a shallow, carved wood and stained glass fireplace inglenook, spotted and stained wall-to-wall red carpeting that is—to say the least—grim, and an elaborate carved wood bar that looks like it was ripped right out of a Victorian saloon.

One of the bedrooms (above)—a frightfully dreary room that might be in the main house or the guest house, we're not sure—has nappy-looking wall-to-wall carpet of indeterminate color, a television set like a sad after thought on the window sill, and a smattering of Goodwill-quality furniture. Seriously, children, a person with even a modicum of decorum or shame could never in a million years put up a family member or friend in that room, not even a less favored friend or family member, unless it's for a quick tryst with a paid companion.

Listing details indicate two of the guest bedrooms in the main house are "huge" and have fireplaces. The master suite (above) encompasses a spacious sectional sofa-accommodating sitting area and an alcove for the bed that can be closed off with a what appear to be brown velvet floor-to-ceiling drapery. The master suite has wall-to-wall carpeting that Your Mama couldn't be paid to walk on bare footed, a walk-in closet, and a "luxury bath" appointed with a party-sized shower room and a black, multi-person spa tub.

While Mister Valderrama clearly does not care a lick about day-core, he does seem to take his outdoor amusements quite seriously. In addition to the barbecue-equipped roof top deck atop a detached four car garage, the sprawling and mostly flat grounds include: a $300,000 swimming pool and spa complex with waterfalls, a water slide and a grotto; a tennis court that does double duty as a basketball court; and a regulation sand volleyball court with a sand misting system.

A 2,300 square foot structure near the estate's many sports and outdoor entertainment venues houses a dusky blue-walled office, a tomato red-walled conference room/lounge, a grass green-walled game room, and a home fitness room. Somewhere on the property, probably in the main house, there's a media room with projection equipment and a lot of knick-knacks, artwork, books and other doo-dads that sort of give Your Mama a headache to look at.

We have no idea if he plans to upgrade, downgrade or downsize his real estate circumstances but we do know Mister Valderrama is determined to empty his San Fernando Valley-based real estate portfolio, even if it means selling at a loss.

Not only is his Tarzana compound currently listed for $30,000 less than he paid for it eight years ago, in the fall of 2011 Mister Valderrama dumped a 2 bedroom and 3 bathroom Sherman Oaks, CA, condo for $287,000 that he bought in the spring of 2003 for $297,000. Last week, with little or no fanfare, Mister Valderrama sold a worn out ranch-style residence in Encino, CA, for $890,000. Unfortunately for him and his bank accounts he acquired up the property in August 2006 for $1,099,000. That means Mister Valderrama took a $209,000 loss on the property, not counting carrying costs and—ahem—upkeep expenses, which he obviously kept to a bare minimum.

listing photos (Tarzana): Prudential California
listing photos (Encino): Keller Williams

Why Being A Young Dad Is Great!

Being a young dad is great. It is so much fun having children when you are young and I wanted to outline 3 reasons why I love being a young dad.
About Me
I am 23 years old and I have a 2 year old daughter and a newborn son. Ever since I was a teenager I knew I wanted to be married young and have children young. In fact it was my goal to be married by 19 and have children by 23. I was one year late getting married, but I was a year early having children (so that made up for it).
There is nothing more I love in this world than being a good dad for my children. I go out of my way to take an active role in their lives and I even work with my wife to do the house work together (though she still does the washing).
Why It Is Great Being A Young Dad
1. You have so much more energy - Being a great dad requires a great deal of energy. Sleep deprivation is going to get to you in the first few months (until bubbi starts sleeping through the night) and you will still be required to go to work and fulfill all of your regular responsibilities. Your extra energy is going to come in handy. Once your kids get bigger you will have more energy to run around with them and play games
2. You are a big kid yourself - Being a big kid yourself means that you will be able to relate to your children more than older dads. When they enter their teenage years you will be a lot closer in age and you will have a better memory of what it is like to be a teenager. You will be able to give better advice and you will become great friends.
3. When your kids leave the house you will still be young - If you have kids at 20, by the time they grow up and leave the house you will only be in your early 40's. This means you will still be young and will have enough energy to travel the world and do all the things you have dreamed of doing. You won't have to take a walker and walking cane with your on your world travels like those 65 year old parents.
Being a young dad is a huge adventure and there is nothing more significant you can do with your life than raise your children. Jump into being a dad and give it everything you have. Your kids will thank you for it and you will time of your life.

Late Thursday Afternoon This And Thats

Didja hear Jennifer Lopez needs to get some new damn bodyguards at her spread in the Hamptons? Yes, she does. (New York Post, Vanity Fair)

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Hollywood veteran Hank Azaria continues to lighten his real estate load: In September, 2011, he sold a 7 bedroom mansion in Bel Air for $11,065,000 and in early May (2013) he dumped a giant loft in New York City for $8,000,000. Then, in late May (2013) he quietly sold a Gerard Colcord-designed house in Pacific Palisades for $6,223,500—the one he bought from Dan Castellaneta for $5.5 million in August 2011. The buyer of Mister A.'s Pac Pal pad was Grammy- and Emmy-nominated film and television composer Ramin Djawadi (Prison Break, FlashForward, Iron Man, Game of Thrones, etc.) and his wife, Jennifer Hawks, a successful music executive in the film industry (The Help, Lincoln, The Soloist, Disturbia, etc.). And, finally, in late July (2013) the clearly downsizing four time Emmy winner sold his former bachelor pad in the Hollywood Hills. Prop records show he bought it in 1992 for $390,000 and sold it for $652,000 to a mysterious buyer. (The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial, Yolanda Yakketyyak)

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Jim Furyk, some professional golfer that Your Mama has never heard of before—no shade, we just don't a damn thing about profession golf—put his Deer Valley, UT ski condo on the market for $2.399 million. (Deer Valley Homes for Sale)

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Your Mama hears through the celebrity real estate gossip grapevine that New York based Showbizzers Naomi Watts and Liev Schrieber are fixin' to (re-)list their West Coast abode. (Nonni O. Bidness)

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Any ol' person with the dough and inclination to shell out $9,500 bucks a month for rent might want to consider an angled ranch residence in L.A.'s Outpost Estates 'hood that's owned by Oscar-nominated Spanish siren Salma Hayek. (Zillow)

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Real Housewife Melissa Gorga dumps Jersey mansion. (Us Magazine)

Thursday This and Thats: Kevin James

In May (2013), after just 36 days on the open market, well-compensated and residuals rich sitcom star Kevin James (King of Queens) sold his nearly 12,000 square foot modern-minded mock-Med mansion in Encino, CA, for exactly $5,550,000, $55,000 more than the $5,495,0000 asking price.

What hasn't been revealed, at least as far as Your Mama knows, is that the buyer—according to the always informed Yolanda Yakketyyak—is Donna Scott, a beauty queen turned model turned part-time actress and, sadly, the widow of late, Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning director/producer Tony Scott.

Miz Scott, a former Miss North Carolina, has landed a number of (mostly small) parts in a handful of movies such as Days of Thunder, which her late husband directed, Get Shorty, Pulp Fiction, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, Enemy of the State, and Water for Elephants. On the small screen she's appeared on shows such as The Good Wife, the short-lived 3Way, and—her meatiest role to date—Nash Bridges.

British-born Mister Scott, the younger brother of three time Oscar nominated film director Ridley Scott, directed and/or produced a slew of movies, many of them critically panned but none-the-less box office hits. Mister Scott's movie credits include but are not limited to The Hunger, Top Gun, Days of Thunder, Beverly Hills Cop II, Crimson Tide, and The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 as well as a whole bunch of television programs, made for television movies, and mini-series including The Good Wife, Numb3rs, Gettysburg, The Pillars of the Earth, The Gathering Storm and The Andromeda Strain. Mister Scott may he rest in peace, took his own life last August (2012) when he leaped off the Vincent Thomas Bridge in San Pedro, CA. At the time of his death he has at least half a dozen projects in various stages of planning and production.

Listing still accessible on the internets show the L-shaped mansion, just around the corner from the Jackson family compound on Hayvenhurst Avenue, was built in 2003 at the tail end of a short cul-de-sac on a gated and elevated two-ish acre parcel. Listing details indicate the sizable abode has five bedrooms and nine bathrooms. A closer perusal of the floor plan included with digital marketing materials shows that one of the bedrooms is tucked behind the kitchen as a domestic staff suite and that the nine bathrooms parse out to six full and four half bathrooms.

Formal living and dining rooms flank the double height foyer where a curved staircase ascends to the upper level bedrooms. Other main floor rooms include a family room with fireplace and built-in wet bar, a breakfast room (or two), and a super-deluxe kitchen equipped with a massive, free-standing French-made range that Your Mama can assure the children cost Mister and Missus James as much as a damn Mercedes.

Other features of note include 4 or maybe 5 fireplaces, a sophisticated home automation system, a direct entry garage with room for four cars, a state-of-the-art home theater, a spa room with glassed-in steam room private walled garden, a billiards room that does double duty as a home office with a built-in desk, and an unusually roomy two-room fitness wing on the second floor that spans nearly 1,500 square feet.

Numerous covered patios, terraces and balconies on both floors seamlessly connect the indoor living spaces to the flat, resort-style backyard that's all decked out with a built-in fire pit, a swimming pool with inset spa and elevated lounge area, a pergola-shaded outdoor kitchen, and flat lawns for pitching tents or piddling pooches. Set below and out of sight from the house there's a collection of solar panels and just over the shrubs and trees that ring the backyard are head on views of the office towers along Ventura Boulevard.

Believe it or not, butter beans, Miz Scott's new 12,000-ish square foot pile is a bit of a downgrade—or at least a downsize—from the Scott's long-time primary residence, a multi-parcel compound in the mountains above Beverly Hills. Mister and Missus Scott have also long kept a beach front house in the exclusive Colony enclave that was listed for lease over the summer (2013) at $150,000 per month.

listing photos and floor plan: Michael McNamara/Shooting L.A. for Partners Trust

Thursday This and Thats: Dr. H.

As we first learned from the long-legged blond gal at Trulia Luxe Living, Robert Huizenga, M.D., the media savvy obesity specialist best known by reality t.v. watchers as Dr. H. from the weight loss extravaganza The Biggest Loser, dropped $5.5 million on a 10.2 acre mountain top compound (above) with five super-contemporary structures in the Santa Monica Mountains above Malibu.

Dr. H. also owns a substantial Mediterranean mansion in L.A.'s celeb-packed Los Feliz area—it's been on and off the market since August 2011 when it popped up for sale at $5.9 million—and in late June he sold a much more modern, city view spread (above) that listing details describe it as a "European contemporary" in the Bird Streets 'hood above the Sunset for $2,925,000.

Property records show Dr. H. and his estranged wife, Wanda, who filed for divorce last year after 30-some years of marriage, also own a lake front estate (above) with a Normandy-style lodge in Lake Arrowhead, CA, that's been on and off the market since May 2010 when it was listed for $2,442,500.

listing photos (Malibu): Hilton & Hyland
listing photo (Sunset Strip): The Agency
listing photo (Lake Arrowhead): Century 21

Don't Be A Slave To Your Big House, Consider Building A Small House

If you are thinking about building a small house, hooray for you!
Building a small house has many advantages. For starters, small houses cost less. First, there is the expense of construction. Building costs are typically measured by the square foot. If construction costs in your area are $200 per square foot, a 1,200 square foot home will cost $240,000. A 1,500 square foot home will cost $300,000. Just a small increase in area, adds quite a substantial amount to the construction cost. Money saved = fewer hours working to pay off that mortgage!
Small houses also cost less over time. If you pay property tax, your annual tax bill will be smaller because just like construction costs, property taxes are derived from the home's square footage. Maintenance?, it will be less. With less volume to heat and cool, lower utility bills.
Small houses are easier to clean. I mean really, who wants to spend all weekend cleaning their house? Clutter is not a pretty thing in a small house, there just isn't room for it. If you are moving into a small home from a larger one, you really have to spend some time thinking about what is of value to you and what isn't. It might be hard at first, imagining your life without all the things that you've become accustomed to, but living with less can be a rather freeing experience. You learn what works and what doesn't and you don't spend time on the things that don't work.
Small houses are perfect for those small or unusual urban lots. In many cities there aren't big lots available, never mind that big lots are more expensive. A lot that is always overlooked because it is small or oddly shaped might be just perfect for you, especially if it has great views and is within walking distance of the things you love.
Small houses aren't as attractive to thieves. Maybe it's because it's obvious that you can't fit too many large screen TV's into your house.
With fewer TV's and physical proximity to each other, it's likely that your family may develop a closeness that you wouldn't otherwise enjoy. Parents may also appreciate knowing what the kids are doing and knowing where they are.
It's possible to pack more quality into a smaller home. Covering every square inch of a big kitchen with granite and tile is a lot more expensive and difficult than doing the same thing in a smaller kitchen. Same holds true for all the other rooms.
I encourage you to consider building the smallest house that will work for you. There really isn't a reason to build big if you don't need it. A big house may impress the neighbors, but the question worth asking is do you really need all of that space and what is it going to cost you in terms of time, money and quality of life?